


Medically Impossible

by lvs2read



Series: Big Damn Story [8]
Category: Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Firefly Setting, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Mpreg- sort of, One of My Favorites, Slash, old fic is old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26900023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvs2read/pseuds/lvs2read
Summary: It just isn't possible.
Relationships: Hoban Washburne/Zoë Washburne, Malcolm Reynolds/Simon Tam
Series: Big Damn Story [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816306
Kudos: 8





	Medically Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in 2006 in the livejournal community the-pretty-fits. Beta'd by vae.
> 
> Slightly edited from the original to fit it in this timeline.
> 
> Translations in mouse-over and at the end.
> 
> Takes place about four months after "Broken Promises".

* * *

**Medically Impossible**  


In the still, quiet of their bunk Simon and Mal were sleeping contentedly, though Mal moved restlessly every now and then. Suddenly, Mal lurched upright, the bedding falling to his waist as he ran his hands through his hair and tried to stop the shudders wracking his body. A warm hand came to rest on his thigh as Simon murmured sleepily, "Mal? Wha's th'matter?"

"Nothin's the matter, _xīn ài_. Just had a dream." Mal scrubbed at his face, trying to erase the last remnants of the dream, but fearing this was one nightmare he'd never forget.

Simon sat up next to him, stretching his arms over his head and yawning before he asked, "Dream? About the war? Thought those had pretty much stopped." He leaned against Mal's side, giving his shoulder a soft kiss.

Mal wrapped his arm around Simon and lay back down, bringing Simon with him. "Not about the war." He shuddered again in remembrance.

Simon snuggled in to Mal's embrace, but at the shudder he pulled away, bracing himself up on his elbow so that he could look down at Mal. "Not…? Then what was it about to make you react like this?"

Mal wouldn't look at him as he answered, "You'll only laugh."

Using his free hand to gently caress Mal's face, Simon reassured him, "No, I won't. Tell me?"

"Dreamed I was… pregnant," Mal mumbled before looking belligerently up at Simon.

"Preg…" Simon's eyes began to twinkle, and his mouth turned up at the corners, but he didn't laugh. "I hope it was mine."

Mal dropped his gaze. "Don't know." When he looked up again, Simon had arched an eyebrow and looked about ready to make a comment, so he continued in a rush, "Just know I kept wantin' to eat shrimp dipped in chocolate. And peanut butter and pickle sandwiches." He grimaced at the thought of either of those combinations. "Jayne kept callin' me 'little woman' 'til I wanted to punch him in the mouth. Kept slappin' you on the back, sayin' he didn't know you had it in you. Hunh…Guess it must've been yours then." He sounded surprised at the realization. "Got so big I couldn't climb the ladder down here. Had to sleep in Kaylee's hammock 'cause nowhere else was comfortable. Couldn't go out on jobs. Nobody'd let me. Said the contacts would only laugh at me. Wouldn’t take me serious. Had to send Wash in my place. Dressed in my clothes!" His nostrils flared in outrage. "Then when it was time to deliver the baby, you wouldn't do it. Said you couldn't bear to watch and told River to take over. You ran out of the room as she picked up a scalpel and smiled at me. That's when I woke up." He glared at Simon, aggrieved at the treatment he'd received in his dream.

Simon tried, but by the end of Mal's narrative he just couldn't help himself. And when Mal glared at him, he burst out laughing. Flopping back onto the bed next to Mal he laughed so hard he cried, trying to apologize all the while, "Oh, Mal… I'm… sorry. …Said I … wouldn't, but… so funny." He wiped his eyes and tried to regain control of himself. Still chuckling, he said, "Now you know how Zoë probably feels. Though Wash going out on a job? She'd most likely shoot one or both of you if you even tried it. And I promise - I'll be the one to deliver their baby. I won't let River take over." While he was laughing, Mal had propped himself up and was watching him with a faint smile. He reached up and rested his hand along the side of Mal's face.

Mal leaned into Simon's hand, the anger he'd felt in the dream dissipating, and asked with a puzzled look, "Think that's what it was all about? 'Cause gotta tell you, that was one weird ass dream."

"I'm sure it was." Simon smiled tenderly, his thumb brushing lightly over Mal's lower lip. "And, yes, it's either that, or you ate too much spicy food for supper. Unless…" He grinned hugely as Mal nipped at his thumb.

"Unless?" Mal turned his head, kissing the palm of Simon's hand.

Giving him a mischievous look, Simon said. "Unless you really want to have a baby. Of course, I'm pretty sure it's medically impossible, but we sure could have fun trying." He started laughing again as Mal stared down at him in consternation.

Recovering quickly, Mal sat up fully, flipping the covers out of the way before moving to straddle Simon's hips, and said in a mock stern voice, "Think it's funny, do you? Think laughin' at your captain and husband's a good idea? We'll just have t'see 'bout that, won't we?" And he began tickling Simon, taking full advantage of the knowledge he'd gained during the years they'd been together.

Simon tried to protest and wriggle away, but he was laughing too hard to say much more than, "No!… Stop!… Mal, please!... I give…" as Mal's fingers continued to torture his sides and stomach.

"Say, you're sorry. You didn't mean it." Mal smiled down at his laughing husband, knowing that Simon didn't mind being tickled - too much.

Simon grabbed for, and missed, Mal's questing fingers, even as he managed to gasp out between the laughter, "I'm… sorry. … Did… mean it… though. …Would be… fun."

Mal caught Simon's hands, and brought them up to lie on the pillow beside his head. Looking down at Simon - hair tousled, panting for breath, smiling back up at him - he tended to agree.

* * *

_xīn ài_ = beloved


End file.
